


Broken Doll.

by lizibabes



Series: Hurt/Comfort Bingo [13]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Dark Thoughts, M/M, Sex, Storms, Swearing, Tragedy, extreme weather conditions, injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-27
Updated: 2011-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 05:19:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/304184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the square loss of limb/limb function on my H/C Bingo card. A freak storm blows in during sound check and the casualties are high. Neil gets trapped saving a tec's life and when an already injured Adam goes to help his brother, Tommy goes instead. Adam has to watch helpless as their lives hang in the balance. The storm isn't the end of things though and once it has blown over, can any of them ever be the same again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Doll.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: I_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> This fic is Adam/Tommy and will focus on that pairing, but Neil Lambert will be a main character as well.

Adam POV  
　  
Sound check that day had started out the same as it always did, half the people there running away while Adam and the band ran through a few things. It was overcast and kind of freezing and then the rain started. Adam had never seen anything like it, one second nothing and then sheet after sheet of rain came hurtling down. The wind had picked up till it was howling and seconds after the storm had started, the first stage light came crashing down on stage. Adam heard Cam scream over the roaring wind and the rain, but only just, he watched as Monte went to her. People were battling to get off stage, running like crazy people. Monte was yelling at him to get off stage when he spotted Neil. He thinks he sees it the same time as Neil, the beam falling, but it's Neil who moves while Adam freezes, Neil who pushes a stage hand out of the way just in time, stops the man's head from being hit by the beam. Neil had hit the stage hard, the beam pinning him down. Adam yells, starts to run to him. But both Monte and Isaac have grabbed him, pulling him back. All he can do is watch from the side of the stage as his little brother lies there trapped and then Tommy is there, right in his face, yelling about helping him, telling Adam to stay where he is and Monte can't hold them both, can't keep Tommy from going back to Neil.  
　  
Neil POV  
　  
It hurts, he can hardly see past the rain falling straight on his face, can't see why he can't move, but he thinks it must have been the beam. He couldn't just watch and let that guy die because of some sort of freak storm, but now he thinks maybe he's going to die and this seems like a really shitty way to go. He hears yelling loud enough to carry over the rain. Turns his head and can make out Monte and Isaac fighting to drag his brother off stage. Fuck, Adam's trying to save him? He wants to be safe, but he doesn't want to see Adam hurt, pain in the ass big brother that he is, Neil still doesn't want to see that. He doesn't expect to see Tommy running towards him, dodging everything that's fallen or been knocked over. He's kneeling by Neil in seconds, fast little fucker.  
　  
"Fuck," Tommy mutters and Neil can see the blonde huddle somewhere over his legs, he's pushing at something, the beam probably.  
　  
Neil tries to get a better look, catches sight of Adam again, he looks so fucking worried. Neil is still looking his big brother’s way when something falls. He sees Adam, Monte and Isaac all hit the ground, he can't see if any of them get up, he can't tell if they’re hurt. He tears his eyes from the spot where they were standing, to Tommy who's face is showing the strain as he pushes and pulls. He suddenly grunts and then half smiles, before Neil knows it, Tommy is trying to get an arm round him, lift him. He wants to know if his brother’s okay, everything is chaotic, but he wants to laugh at short little Tommy trying to help him walk. Till he looks down at his legs and sees the rips in his jeans and through the mess of ripped denim he can see blood, so much fucking blood and he doesn't get why it doesn't hurt. Tommy somehow manages to start dragging him along and Neil hears a noise, looks up to see another light falling. He yells and Tommy pushes them both, trying, he can tell, to get Neil as close to off stage as possible. He can hear Tommy cursing as they hit the floor, blinks opens eyes that feel too heavy and sees Tommy crawling towards him, the dyed blonde’s right arm, it looks all wrong, it's not even facing the right way, the odd angle making Neil's stomach roll. And Tommy still comes to him, slings one of Neil's arms over his shoulder and heaves him to his feet. Neil is very aware of the fact the smaller man is carrying pretty much all his weight. He has the muddled thought that he didn't realize Tommy was that strong before darkness rises up around him and he doesn't think anything anymore.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He wakes up in the ambulance, his head is throbbing and his ribs are screaming in agony. Someone shines a light in his eye, asks him questions. All he wants to know is where Neil and Tommy are, did they get off the stage? He doesn't know what happened, he wants to see them. One of the paramedics inject him with something and he feels himself slipping away. The next time he wakes up, he's in a hospital bed, his Mom is sitting beside him crying. He doesn't understand, they weren't even in the same state. He wants to know what that means, has he been out cold for a long time? Where is everyone else?  
　  
"Mom?" Adam croaks out, his voice shocks him, it’s all fucked up. He sounds like he hasn't talked for days and he doesn't want that to be true. If he'd been out cold for days that would be way more serious than he could handle.  
　  
"Adam." The way she jumps up and hugs him makes him think maybe things are worse than he thought. Nothing really hurts right now, but with the fuzzy way he's feeling he thinks a lot of drugs might be involved in that.  
　  
She uses the nurses button to call someone in, tells the nurse he's awake. The nurse tells them she'll get the doctor and finally Adam gets a chance to talk.  
　  
"Where is everyone? Did Tommy get Neil off stage? Is Neil okay? What's going on?" He hates that he's lost time, that enough time has passed that his Mom could get here, he's probably missed a lot, he hates not knowing if the people he loves are okay.  
　  
"Neil's still in surgery, but they wouldn't tell me how the others are. I'm not family." At his Mom's words, his head spins in two different directions, part of him wants to ask why Neil is in surgery, how bad is it? And another voice in his head is shouting at him over his Mom's use of 'others' it made it sound like other people were hurt and suddenly he remembers he was with Monte and Isaac when something hit them, are they hurt as well?  
　  
A doctor walks in before he can ask anymore questions.  
　  
"Hello, Mr. Lambert, my name’s Dr. Johnson and I've been over seeing your care." He's older, maybe just past fifty, his hair is grey and he looks more like some bodies grandfather than a doctor, Adam likes him immediately.  
　  
"Call me Adam, Mr Lambert's my Dad." He's so used to telling people to call him by his first name it seems weird to be called anything else. The room goes quiet while Dr. Johnson examines him, checking things like his blood pressure.  
　  
"You were very lucky, your injuries could have been far worse. You had a bad head wound from hitting the floor and at first we suspected some bleeding, we kept you sedated and did some scans and thankfully the results are all good. You have several broken ribs, which will mean you need to rest. No work, I understand your a performer and this injury will effect your range, your ability to breath. You must not sing or over exert yourself until you fully heal, Adam." The idea of not being able to sing is a little horrifying, but he knows he got lucky. He hardly even listens to what the doctor says after that about treatment, about him, he wants to know about Neil.  
　  
The second he leaves, Adam turns to his Mom, she's still crying a little and not in a relived way. He knows something must be wrong.  
　  
"Why are they operating on Neil?" He asks terrified of the answer.  
　  
"A beam, it did a lot of damage to his legs. They were still fighting to stop the bleeding when I got here and Lane got me on a private flight, to get me here quickly in case I was needed for you or Neil. They thought your brain was bleeding, Adam, that it might be brain damage and now Neil's been in surgery for hours." She lets out a quiet sob and even though his heart is breaking, he can't help feeling thankful to Lane for getting their Mom here. God, he can't imagine what it would have been like if she'd found out from the news or internet.  
　  
He also feels a rush of relief, but before he can get out another question, Monte walks in. He has a deep cut on his chin that looks like it's been stitched, he's limping but looks, otherwise, unharmed. The first thing he does is come in and hug him carefully.  
　  
"Leila told me about the broken ribs. It's good to see you awake, man." Monte rests a hand on his arm and Adam can see the worry etched into the lines of his face.  
　  
"I don't want to leave, but while someone is here with you, I'd like to go ask if there is news about Neil." His Mom looks so torn and Adam can't imagine how hard it must be to have both your kids in the hospital at the same time.  
　  
"Go, I'll be fine." He wants to know about Neil as well and right now he knows he's not going anywhere to find out himself.  
　  
Once his Mom has left, Monte takes the seat closest to the bed and Adam notices he looks pale. He wonders if it's from being hurt or something else.  
　  
"You look okay, are you okay? What happened, you and Isaac were right by me, is he hurt?" God, Adam doesn't even know where to start.  
　  
"Sprained ankle and a few stitches from hitting the stage, something hit the three of us. Isaac was knocked out too, but the boy doesn't even have a concussion, just one broken finger and some bruises. He's with Sophia in the cafeteria, I ordered him to take a break and eat," Monte explains. Adam doesn't think he was out of it for even a full day, but a lot sure has happened, he wonders if Lane was the one to get Sophia to the hospital so quickly as well.  
　  
"Take a break?" Adam doesn't understand and Monte looks so worried, almost sick with it. Maybe he's heard something isn't right with Neil, all the bleeding. Adam had seen Neil pinned to that stage, his limbs twisted like some toy or a doll broken on the ground.  
　  
"He'd been sitting with Tommy." Monte sighs and Adam feels like he's been hit in the stomach. How the fuck could he have forgotten about Tommy? Tommy, who had run out to get Neil, he can't remember seeing him get hurt, but he'd lost consciousness before they'd got off stage.  
　  
　  
"Is he okay?" He doesn't know what he'll do if he isn't. Tommy's his best friend. Adam doesn't think people’s sexualities should be changed, but if Tommy's could be, Adam would have asked him out a good year ago. He's his perfect man apart from the straight thing, he's been a little bit in love with him for months. What had started out as attraction deepening into more as he realized what an amazing man Tommy is. He might not be able to have Tommy as a lover, but he can live with that, he can't live without his friendship. Fuck, Tommy had only been on stage because he had been going to save Neil.  
　  
"They had to operate on his arm, his right arm, put pins into it. The bone was snapped and they’re not sure how much could be repaired. They think it'll need more work, because he severed a lot of shit inside. They’re not sure if he'll get all movement back." Monte's eyes have started to glaze a little and Adam knows why, if Tommy loses movement in his right arm, he might not ever be able to play again. Tommy's a musician right down to his soul, not being able to play would crush him. Adam would feel the same if he couldn't sing, knows Monte would be lost if he couldn't play. Even being told he can't sing till he heals hurts enough and he's been told it's not a long term thing.  
　  
"Does he know? That his arm might not heal completely?" Fuck, if only he had gone to Neil, it was his baby brother out there, he should have been faster or made them let him go. Tommy was so fucking small, he shouldn't have been playing hero.  
　  
"No, his mom couldn't get here so she talked to the doctor and put me in charge of his medical stuff. He's still asleep, because of the operation. He dragged Neil off stage, after Neil blacked out, even though his arm was damn near shattered." Monte shakes his head, like he just can't believe it. Adam's stunned too, he knows that Tommy is brave, but he must have been in so much pain. He'd saved Neil, got him to safety even though he was hurt and Neil out weighted him by more than a few pounds. Adam thinks if he hadn't already been in love with Tommy before, he would be now. He's never known someone to put themselves at so much risk for another person.  
　  
"Other than his arm is he okay?" As if a shattered arm isn't enough, he's not sure he'll ever be able to thank Tommy enough for what he's done.  
　  
"Bruised up mainly. Whole body black and blue already. He took a beating out on that stage." Monte sighs.  
　  
"Is everyone else okay?" He has to ask even though his head is full of thoughts of Neil and Tommy, he has to know.  
　  
Monte just nods and they fall silent. Adam feels like he might fall asleep even though he's spent the better part of a day sedated. He fights to keep awake, wanting to hear if his Mom has any news about Neil. He wants to be awake to hear Tommy's woken up as well, even though he knows he will, he can't stop worrying until he does.  
　  
When his Mom comes back, she does have news.  
　  
"Neil's being brought out of surgery, I don't know how he is. I'm going to go see him. I'll let you know as soon as I can." She kisses his cheek and leaves quickly and once again all he can do is wait.  
　  
When his Mom comes back, he can tell she's been crying worse than she had been before. It takes a full ten minuets, that feels more like an hour before they can get her to tell them what is wrong. When she finally does, Adam can't hold his own tears back. They could only save one of his brother’s legs, they had to amputate Neil's right leg. Adam hates himself for not getting to Neil, hates that he brought him on tour to begin with. He hates the doctors for not being able to do anything, even though he knew they did their best and even though it's irrational, he hates the storm that brought them all here.  
　  
Tommy POV  
　  
He'd woken up alone and had been told by the nurse that a big slightly scary man had made his friends leave to rest, before going to check on someone else in the storm. Tommy had guessed the scary guy was Monte and maybe he'd gone to check on Neil. He could remember the blood, God, he'd hardly been able to move the beam and carrying Neil had seemed impossible. He doesn't even know how he got them to the side of the stage.  
　  
He's still alone when the doctor comes to talk to him about the injuries. He'd figured his arm was broken from the cast, from the pain when he was knocked down. He hadn't looked at the cast properly, just glanced seen as it was placed carefully on pillows, he'd thought he shouldn't move it, he hadn't seen the metal sticking out of the cast, some kind of cage that would be removed soon, when they operated again. He can't follow what is being said, drifting in and out as shock consumes him. Because one of the first things the doctor had said to him was about trying to be optimistic, even though the odds were against him ever having full use of his arm again.  
　  
When Isaac wonders in he looks tired, the strain caused by the fucked up storm showing on his face. He looks surprised to see that Tommy's awake, relieved too.  
　  
"Hey man, has the doctor seen you yet?" Isaac asks after asking how he feels and somehow Tommy knows that Isaac knows.  
　  
"You know I'm fucked, don't you. That I can't play?" Tommy asks and Isaac takes a seat, explaining about Monte being made his temporary next of kin, about over hearing Monte talking to the doctor and then demanding to know the full story.  
　  
"You might play, I mean they don't know for sure yet.." Isaac says softly.  
　  
Tommy knows that, knows he has more surgery scheduled in two days time, once things have had a chance to settle. He's heard the doctor mention therapy for his arm, how it could help him improve, but he isn't hopeful and he won't pretend to be. He can't be that person.  
　  
"Is everyone else okay?" Tommy asks and he feels something in his chest clench tight when Isaac shakes his head and fights to get the words out.  
　  
Adam's ribs broken, scans to make sure his brain wasn't damaged. Neil, fuck, Neil having a leg amputated when they realized it was to damaged too save, losing almost too much blood. Isaac tells him he saved Neil's life, but it doesn't seem like enough.  
　  
Neil POV  
　  
The doctor came to tell him he had lost his leg and for half a second he wanted to make a joke. Like how did you lose a leg? It's not like he fucking mislaid it. But then he looks down the bed, sees where one leg, his left leg, makes a bump in the covers and next to it the sheets go flat to the bed after his knee. He yells at the doctors to get out, feeling hatred like he has never experienced over some doctor telling him so calmly that he's had a leg cut off. He says it like it's an everyday occurrence and maybe for him it is, but not for Neil and he can't seem to get a hold of his temper. He pretends to be asleep when his Mom visits, he can't face her, he's so angry at everything that he knows he'll be horrible to her and he doesn't want that.  
　  
They keep him in the hospital for three weeks, tending his other leg, talking to him about learning to walk with a prosthetic leg once the left one has healed enough. He keeps calm through it all until they send in a therapist to talk to him about the changes in his shitty life. It's not like he made a decision to change and he isn't crazy. He screams himself horse getting the woman to leave. He doesn't feel better about being asked to talk to a therapist, even after Adam tells him they asked everyone who had been hurt in the accident to do the same. Adam gets let out first and visits him all the time. Monte and Isaac come with their wives. Neil never talks much, there all Adam's friends anyway, which he knows is stupid, knows isn't true. Cam brings chocolates with her one day and the dancers who all had been lucky enough not to be on stage when the storm hit. Nobody brings Tommy and Neil doesn't even think to ask why until he's packing to go home. Not that he's going to his place, a tenth floor apartment with no elevator, no he's moving into Adam's guest room, it’s on the ground floor, till he can walk on his own.  
　  
Adam's packing the stuff their Mom brought over when he realizes he's not seen Tommy. Even though he's not trilled to even be alive right now, he thinks he should thank Tommy. The tiny little fucker came to get him, pulled him across a stage, even after he passed out. He knows Tommy saved his life and even though it seems like a fucking worthless life right now, with nothing but physical therapy and pity in his future, it's still his life and he's still alive because of his big brother’s pint sized bassist.  
　  
"I've not seen Tomm,." Neil comments and watches as Adam freezes bent over a bag. He's sat in a wheelchair, he's been allowed to sit up out of bed for the last two days. When he'd been lifted into the chair for the first time, they'd acted like it was something fan-fucking-tastic and Neil had just glared. He can see the tense line of Adam's back from where he's standing and he knows it has nothing to do with carefully moving to avoid hurting his ribs.  
　  
"You'll see him at the house in a couple of days. He's staying in the upstairs guest room." Adam sights and Neil doesn't get why Adam seems down about that. His brother is attached at the hip, and sometimes the face, to Tommy, having him at the house should make him smile.  
　  
"Why is he staying? Mom finally convince you that we'll kill each other if we live together?" Neil asks, Adam has been great really, not his usual pain in the ass big brother self, but Neil gets pissed at times because Adam treats him too carefully, not like the annoying little brother he always swore he was.  
　  
"His arm's in a cast and a sling. He can't cook, can't do a lot of things right now. So it'll be easier, his family want to help, but Lisa's due any day and it's just not practical. And a physical therapist can come see him at mine easier than him having to get driven to the hospital," Adam shrugs, he looks a little flustered.  
　  
Neil remembers seeing Tommy's arm bent out of shape and can't believe he hasn't asked about it. Sure he's had a fuck ton of shit on his mind, but that doesn't make him any less of a shitty friend.  
　  
"Is it bad?" He knows enough people who've broken their arms to know you don't normally get told your going to have physical therapy before the cast is even off unless they know it's really bad.  
　  
"He had to have the bone reset and, ah, some pins. I don't really understand half of what the doctors say. They had to reattach tendons, the bone severed them and they’re concerned about his nerves." Adam zips up the bag and before he can hide, Neil catches a glimpse of his eyes and how they are now shiny, wet with unshed tears. He knows Tommy cares about Adam, but somehow he thinks maybe it isn't what Adam has told him about Tommy's condition that's making him cry a little, but something he's not saying.  
　  
"He's still in hospital?" Neil pushes.  
　  
"Few more days, they’re doing another operation, it's his fourth." Adam rubs the heal of his hand over his face and Neil's honestly afraid he might break down.  
　  
"I don't know what you’re not telling me, but fucking spill. He got hurt saving my ass, I have a right to know," Neil snaps, his temper flaring.  
　  
"He can't feel most of his hand or move it. They’re trying to restore function, but all they seem to be able to do is hold it together. They can't give him all the function back. They think with therapy his arm will be useable, but nerves are tricky and they don't think they can fix it." Adam looks like he wants to cry, but he doesn't. Neil hasn't cried once since the accident and he's smart enough to figure maybe his loss hasn't sunk in yet, without the help of a shrink, but he feels like crying now, for Tommy. The guy’s life is playing guitar and bass, when he's not playing for Adam, he plays for Monte and Ravi, it's his fucking life. He won't be able to play with an arm that's described as usable and he's hurt like that all because of Neil, because he played hero for a stranger he got a friend fucking hurt, he's ruined Tommy's life.  
　  
"He's staying in the same house as me after I crippled him?" Neil asks, the word feels wrong in his mouth, dirtier than any cuss word he's ever thrown out.  
　  
"And this is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew you'd blame yourself," Adam groans.  
　  
"Because it's my fucking fault!" Neil yells, hating how volatile his emotions are, he's always been laid back, not like Tommy is, too sarcastic and sharp for that, but he was never the type to just lose his temper and shout. Not before he got hurt anyway.  
　  
"That's not how I see it. I see what he did as brave and amazing because he probably saved you. Just like you saved the rigger you pushed out the way. Do you think Tommy would rather not be hurt and you be dead? Would you rather you'd not saved that man’s life?" Adam asks and his cheeks are wet, tears finally spilling over. It seems to be the way things are since he's been in hospital, Neil quick to anger and Adam falling straight into despair, both of them living with their emotions too close to the surface.  
　  
"His name’s Simon, he visited and no. I do maybe, I did anyway, but not now. I'd rather him be alive and me be like this," Neil sighs, his anger leaving him as quickly as it came.  
　  
"And you didn't even know him. You’re Tommy's friend, he isn't mad at you because he got hurt. Fuck, I think he's actually mad at himself. Monte says Tommy thinks he should have got to you quicker, even though the doctors say it wouldn't have saved your leg." Adam shakes his head, like he doesn't understand how Tommy could think that. Neil doesn't get it either, the damage had been done when the beam fell, he lost his leg then and there, he just hadn't known it yet. Tommy saved his life.  
　  
"He save my damn life, I might be fucking miserable over losing my leg, I might wake up not wanting to even live like this some days, but I'm not mad him." Neil feels like he might cry, not only is Tommy hurt, his life screwed, he actually thinks he failed Neil as well somehow? He can't imagine how shitty he feels.  
　  
Adam's in front of him and crouching down before Neil realized he had moved. He gets no choice at all about being hugged by his big brother and Neil finds himself wanting to hug back, lifting his arms.  
　  
"Please don't talk like you don't want to be here. When I saw you get hit on stage, I thought you were going to die and I can’t describe how that felt. You’re a dick, but I love you and you’re not going anywhere," Adam tells him, half squeezing the life out of him.  
　  
If Neil cries for the first time, clinging to his brother like a little kid? Well, nobody can see his face the way it's buried against Adam's neck and if Adam feels the tears against his skin, he doesn't call Neil out on it.  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
Neil settles into his new room pretty easily, but then Adam had it set up by Lane as soon as Neil agreed to come home with him, so he wasn't too worried. He does worry after Neil gets in a fight with his physical therapist and the guy walks out. Neil won't tell him what the fight was about and luckily the hospital agrees to send someone else. Tommy moves in three days later, Monte driving him from the hospital and bringing over some stuff. Tommy's stayed for a few days before, he's always brought a guitar, usually acoustic so he can work on stuff. It seems wrong for him to turn up without one. He's smiling though and talking about being glad to be out of the hospital, but he's quiet, more so than is normal for even him and Adam worries. Normally if he was stressed, he'd go work on a new song, but the doctors still haven't cleared him so he's lost that outlet. It's only temporary and it drives him mad, he doesn't know how Tommy will cope.  
　  
They settle into a routine of hospital visits, physical therapy and people visiting to check on them, they always bring food, like they think Adam can't make sure Neil and Tommy are eating, he thinks he's doing a good job at that at least. He wakes up early one morning and is surprised when he walks into his kitchen and finds Tommy sitting at the table.  
　  
"Tommy, is everything alright?" He's doesn't think he's ever seen Tommy up this early, not when he didn't have to be unless he just hadn't gone to bed yet, he hopes that isn't the case here. It's six in the morning, Tommy should of at least had some sleep by now.  
　  
"I was restless, couldn't sleep,” Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Have you been to bed at all?" Adam asks, as he goes to put on a pot of coffee. Tommy just has a can of soda, normally if he was awake this early he'd be drinking coffee, hell he'd pretty much have an IV of it attached to his arm.  
　  
"I went to bed, I didn't sleep," Tommy shrugs like a whole night without sleep is nothing.  
　  
"Insomnia been bad?" Adam asks, sitting down opposite of Tommy while he waits for the coffee to brew.  
　  
"I just can't fucking switch off. Normally I'd play, it used to help, but I can't. I just need to find a way to relax. Going to yoga with Isaac and Sophia used to wear me out a little, but I can't do that either." Tommy sighs, rubbing his face with the hand not strapped to his chest.  
　  
"Do you think you'll be able to do yoga once your cast is off?" Adam asks, he doesn't know what to say about playing.  
　  
"Maybe, some of it anyway. Nothing that puts too much weight on my arms. I used to hate exercise, but now I miss it. Which is fucking weird." Tommy laughs, but it comes out hollow.  
　  
Adam pours them both a coffee without asking Tommy if he wants one. He feels off balance, he doesn't know how to help Tommy, he can help with things like cooking, a place to stay, but just like with Neil, Adam doesn't feel like he's doing enough.  
　  
"Have you thought about asking the doctors for some sleeping pills?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I don't really like them, I've had them before,, they make me feel groggy, like I'm fighting through a fog." Tommy sighs sipping his coffee. Adam doesn't know how he does it, it's still scalding.  
　  
"Herbal? I might have some somewhere." He hates that Tommy can't sleep, it's something so simple, a basic need, but something that when you’re not getting it you feel like complete and utter shit.  
　  
"Maybe. I get the cast off this week, it's pretty uncomfortable, maybe I'll sleep better without it on. My arms gonna have a few scars. Tattoo's could be fucked. They say most the scaring is on the inside of my arm, so maybe not, I might get lucky." Tommy actually looks hopeful and Adam is a little amazed by him, with everything going on he wouldn't be happy with something so small going right, he doesn't think it would be enough for him.  
　  
Tommy doesn't say much, conversation used to flow between them, but no matter what Adam says, it doesn't seem to work. When Neil gets up, he's no more talkative than Tommy and Adam just doesn't know what to do.  
　  
A week later, Tommy comes home without the cast and with a bunch of prescription pills he doesn't seem at all thrilled about. There are two long scars on the inside of his arm, two more close to the crook of his elbow that are quiet small and one tiny one on the outside of his arm, but it hasn't gone through his tattoo and Adam is so thankful for that. It’s a small thing, but Tommy deserves something to go his way. The smaller scars might even fade entirely over time, but the two big ones will always be there and Adam has noticed a new habit forming already. Tommy runs his fingers over the scars a lot, he doesn't seem to notice he's doing it, he doesn't look, just strokes over them absently.  
　  
Neil surprises Adam by making jokes about Tommy going through airports with all the metal in his arms. It's not the joke that is surprising, more the fact that Neil's actually joking, it's not something he's been doing lately. Tommy laughs, but points out he won't be flying that much, just back home once he's better. He says it lightly and then goes to phone Isaac to tell him his cast is off the way the drummer made him promise to last time he called.  
　  
"Fuck, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't think about him not being in the band," Neil groans. He's sitting in his chair, his prosthetic leg is arriving tomorrow, he'll be learning to walk again for real instead of just building up muscle. The physical therapist will be coming to see him and Tommy more often after the changes they've been through this week.  
　  
"I forget too, he's still under contract and Lane hasn't told me the record company want to replace him yet. But the tour’s on hold. I'm not meant to sing. The rest of the band has minor injuries, but they agreed we shouldn't go any where till we all heal. I forget that he might only heal so much." Adam swallows hard, he feels like he's going to cry. Fuck, tour without Tommy, the band without Tommy, another bassist in his place? Adam hasn't let himself think about it.  
　  
"How can he be acting like it's okay? He might as well have lost an arm, lost a limb same as me and it's all I think about. I'm a pissy shit about it and he acts like it's fine. Learning to walk will be fucking hard, but I can do it, I can go back to my job, my life, it'll just take time, some changes. What I lost, it's not the same. He can't go back to his life," Neil rants.  
　  
"Do you think I don't know that? It's more than just an injury, it's something that has changed his whole life, stolen his greatest passion from him and I can't do a fucking thing to help. I offer my spare room, do some cooking, like that's anything? He is my best friend, I love him and I don't even know what to say to him." They don't talk anymore, they haven't talked about the accident, about Tommy not being able to play, Adam going on tour and Tommy not. Fuck, he hates everything right now.  
　  
"You love him," Neil repeats.  
　  
"I just said that," Adam sighs.  
　  
"No, I mean you’re in love with him." Neil looks a little bit stunned.  
　  
"What?" Adam asks mainly to stall, he's in full panic mode. Nobody was ever meant to know about his feelings for Tommy. He's spent so long trying to convince everyone that they’re friends, that he loves Tommy in a platonic way.  
　  
"Your in love with him, I've seen you in love before Adam, I know what it looks like so don't bother lying. So how long?" Neil asks and damn him, little brothers are a damn menace.  
　  
"Since the first tour." Adam shrugs.  
　  
"Holy fuck, does he know?" Neil frowns.  
　  
"No, at least I think he doesn't." Adam can’t believe he is having this conversation.  
　  
"Good, if he was doing that flirty crap with you and he knew, I'd be pissed," Neil smirks.  
　  
"You’re not going to tell me I'm stupid for pinning over a straight guy?" Adam asks.  
　  
"No, why would I?" Neil shrugs.  
　  
"Because I'm stupid for pinning over a straight guy," Adam sighs, it's so stupid, he knows that. You can't change a person, even if they’re curious.  
　  
"Dude is like the gayest straight guy ever. Besides I can't judge, I've totally been hitting on the cute girl who's been doing our physical therapy. I know I have no chance. I mean, Anne is this hot girl, with a good job helping people and I'm a grouchy, sarcastic one legged asshole, so it's not happening. Doesn't stop me making an ass of myself over her," Neil shrugs.  
　  
Anne was sweet, a very pretty red head with bright cat green eyes and endless patience. She's kind but firm and doesn't seem to have any trouble getting Tommy and Neil to do the exercises they have needed to do so far. She's smart and her humour's a little dry. Adam can see why Neil likes her. If she can get Neil walking again, something Adam knows will take a lot of hard work from them both, then he might push Neil to ask the girl out. Because if she can put up with Neil's moods, she is too good to let go.  
　  
"It's not stupid to flirt with her, at least she's straight. Well I think she is. I'm panting after a man who likes boobs and girl parts, not men. I'm making a fool out of myself," Adam groans.  
　  
"Shut up. And she's at least Bi, mentioned an ex boyfriend once. You ever figure he could like both? Just because he's a tit man doesn't mean he can't like you," Neil points out.  
　  
"He's never said anything about liking men," Adam argues.  
　  
"Well, did you ever ask? I mean, before you told the world he was straight after the AMA's? I mean, after that he couldn't exactly announce that he likes dudes as well without making a liar out of you," Neil snorts.  
　  
"Publicly, but if he was Bi he could have told us!" Adam insists.  
　  
"With you banging on about how straight he was? I can see why he wouldn't. You made it impossible, is all I'm saying," Neil shrugs.  
　  
"Shut up, Neil," Adam grumbles, there is no way Tommy is Bi, no way Adam's made him feel like he can't tell the truth.  
　  
Adam gets up and starts making Neil's lunch, ignoring anything Neil says about Tommy. He changes the subject whenever it’s brought up, for the next three weeks. It seems to be Neil's new favourite subject, but at least he's talking again now so Adam doesn't get mad. Neil's decent enough to at least only do it when Tommy isn't in the room or within ear shot. Adam thinks he might die if Tommy hears Neil running his mouth. He's not sure if Neil is behaving when it comes to his therapy because he's determined to get his life back or because he doesn't want to let Anne down. Adam doesn't care why Neil goes, why he does all his exercises, why he's making progress as long as he is.  
　  
Adam's asleep in his bedroom one night when he gets shaken awake. He blinks his eyes open to find Tommy leaning over him looking flushed.  
　  
"Tommy? Is something wrong? Are you alright, is Neil?" Adam has been terrified that something else will happen to his brother or Tommy, they’re both hurt.  
　  
"Neil's fine, come with me," Tommy orders and then he's gone so quick Adam would think he'd dreamed him up if not for the fact that Tommy's always, without fail, naked in his dreams.  
　  
Adam finds Tommy standing in the kitchen. He's wearing a T-shirt and boxers, he looks rumpled, just like Adam and Adam thinks maybe Tommy was actually in bed sleeping for once until recently. There is a glass on the table and a bottle of juice.  
　  
"What's going on?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I was thirsty, so I came down and opened the fridge, got out some juice and then I remembered this wasn't my house so I grabbed a glass." Tommy explains pacing as he talks.  
　  
"Okay? So you woke me up to tell me you learnt to use a glass?" Adam asks, he's completely confused and too tired to try and work anything out.  
　  
"I used my hand. I wasn't even thinking and I used my hand! I had to wake you up so somebody could tell me this isn't a dream." Tommy stops pacing, but he's pretty much bouncing on the spot.  
　  
"You opened the door, picked up a bottle and a glass with your right hand?" Adam asks just to be clear. When Tommy nods Adam can't help rushing forward and grabbing the blonde, pulling him close for a hug, which the smaller man returns, clinging to him. He's shocked, the things Tommy's described doing, he's not been able to do anything like that, has been told he wouldn't ever have that much strength or movement in his hand to do that. Adam's shocked when he feels the soft press of Tommy's lips against his own. Adam gasps and Tommy uses the opportunity to lick into his mouth. Adam moans, pulling Tommy closer. Then he realizes he's kissing Tommy in his kitchen and pulls back.  
　

"Tommy, um we're kissing?" Adam points out.  
　  
"Yeah, we are," Tommy nods.  
　  
"Not that I don't like it, but why are we kissing?" Adam asks.  
　  
"I was excited about my hand and when you hugged me I just wanted to kiss you, so I did." Tommy shrugs and he's still plastered all along Adam's front, like he's thinking about getting all up in Adam's business.  
　  
"Oh okay, do you need to see your specialist about this?" Adam asks, his head is spinning, he's not seen Tommy smile like this since the accident. He's been so withdrawn, not at all himself. He hadn't got angry the way Neil had in the beginning, he'd just been so sad. He'd not even been his normal cuddly self, Adam thinks maybe this is the first time they've been this close since the last time they performed a show.  
　  
"Yeah, they'll need to run tests, change my therapy, but this is a really good sign. Like there was a one in a thousand chance that I'd get any movement back and I held a glass. I picked it up, the grip was perfect, not too tight or loose. I never thought I'd do that and it's so simple, but I can touch again." Tommy lifts his right hand up, the scars on his forearm looking harsh in the kitchens bright lights, he cups Adam's cheek lightly.  
　  
"Fuck, Tommy, I'm so happy for you." Adam can’t believe that Tommy is touching him. He's used to seeing Tommy in a sling most the time, able to move his elbow, but not his wrist or fingers.  
　  
He swallows hard when he feels Tommy's fingers drift over his bottom lip. Fuck he wants to lick at his finger tips, suck them into his mouth the way he would suck on Tommy's cock if the blonde would let him. His heart is racing, Tommy's body is so close to his, there is only thin layers of material between them and the warmth of his body is sinking into Adam, making him feel turned on and sleepy at the same time. Tommy has to lift up a little to kiss him and doesn't do much to help him, he just tips his head down a little, but that's it.  
　  
Tommy's kiss is anything but hesitant. Adam has kissed Tommy a lot of times, but he doesn't get kissed by Tommy all that often. So he shouldn't be surprised that this kiss is different from any of their kisses on stage. Tommy doesn't just take it the way he does on stage, hell no, he takes, dominating the kiss. And it feels just as sweet as his submission.  
　  
"Tommy, do you like men?" Adam asks, breaking the kiss before his upstairs brain shuts off completely, he's pretty sure half his blood’s travelled to his dick already.  
　  
"Yeah, um, surprise? I didn't mean to lie, I just..." Tommy trails off looking embarrassed.  
　  
"I made it hard for you to say you liked men as well. You mentioned breaking up with a girl and I assumed you only dated women, told everyone you did and I made it impossible," Adam sighs, he can’t believe Neil is right, he's going to be so smug.  
　  
"Well yeah. You know, I was, like, out and everything. My friends know I'm Bi, they give me so much shit over the straight label. They send me every single link they can find of videos and articles saying I'm straight. My family know, my Mom called me up after the AMA's why I hadn't told her that I had a new boyfriend. When you told reporters I was straight, she was really confused," Tommy smirks and Adam's jaw pretty much drops. He's been calling Tommy straight for over a year, the fans have been convinced he's not, looks like the fans were right and he was wrong. Not only is Tommy not straight, he's out to his friends and family, Adam is an idiot.  
　  
"I'm a moron," Adam groans, dropping his head to Tommy's shoulder.  
　  
"I wouldn't go that far, but you could have like asked you know? I hated feeling like I was lying to people, but I didn't want to make it look like you'd lied to people and it got fucked up and I was scared. Do you know how hard it's been having you kiss me on stage? The way you flirt, I've almost lost it and done something stupid on stage so many damn times," Tommy tells him and his dark brown eyes are sparkling with lust.  
　  
"You're attracted to me? I mean, being Bi doesn't mean you want me, the kissing could just be because your excited and I'm here." Adam wouldn't blame Tommy for getting carried away right now. He must be in the best mood ever, he's used his hand without thinking to do something he was told he couldn't do and he's done it. Adam's ecstatic for him, he can't imagine how Tommy must be feeling.  
　  
"Adam, I wanted to get all up in your business the first moment I saw you. I only didn't hit on you because you were, like, just my boss then. By the time we became friends you were telling people I was straight, though, so I never tried anything." Tommy rolls his hips forward and proves that fuck yeah he's attracted if his hard dick’s any indicator.  
　  
"What did you want to try?" Adam asks, because apparently he's a masochist who wants to torture himself with the things he could of had with Tommy all this time.  
　  
"The short kisses were a fucking tease, I didn't want to let you go. I've wanted to kiss you, mark you up with hickeys, hold your hand in public. Possessive shit even though you’re not mine. I've dreamt about just dropping to my knees and blowing you, no matter who's there. I jerk off thinking about you fucking me in every position I can think of. Fuck Adam, I've thought about every damn sexual thing I know about, thought about doing them with you,," Tommy starts, blushing the second he starts talking and by the time he is finished they’re glowing red and Adam can't resist touching them, wanting to feel the heat for himself.  
　  
"If I had known I could, I would have pushed you more on stage. I thought you were straight and that I was getting just a taste of what I could never have and it was the hottest, sweetest torture I have ever been for. Fuck, I get hard just from hearing the opening of Fever, like a Pavlovian response," Adam groans and he can't resist, he has to pull Tommy in for another kiss.  
　  
He backs Tommy up against the kitchen table, pins him and works a knee between the blonde’s thighs, rubbing his own thigh against Tommy's swollen cock. He can feel Tommy moaning into the kiss and it makes him feel bold, like he can do anything, have anything. That is until Tommy breaks the kiss, but Adam is pretty damn sure he's not stopping or slowing down. His hips are still rolling, thrusting against Adam's leg, clearly desperate for friction.  
　  
"We should move this to your room or my room, fuck the bathroom will do as long as it's somewhere with a door that locks. I don't want Neil walking in on us." Tommy pants, which even with a lust addled brain, Adam recognizes as a good idea, so he grabs Tommy by the hand and heads for his bedroom. It has the biggest bed, not to mention lube and condoms if Tommy wants things to go that far. He might have that stuff in the bathroom, but he's not sure exactly where and he has no idea what Tommy might have. He kind out doubts Monte packed lube and condom's in Tommy's bag when he packed it for him. His kitchen definitely doesn't have lube or condoms, so going to his bedroom is an excellent idea.  
　  
The first thing he does in his bedroom is lock the door so that there won't be any interruptions. The second thing he does is turn the lights on. There is no way he's missing any of this. Whatever Tommy is willing to give him tonight, Adam doesn't want to miss a thing, to lose a part of it to darkness just doesn't feel right. Then feeling bold, he pulls Tommy close and strips the blonde's T-shirt off so that he can get his hands on his bare torso. He's been around Tommy topless before, has probably even touched his naked skin, but never like this. Before he never would have dared to run his hands all over Tommy's back, his pale chest and soft stomach. He gets distracted by Tommy's nipples, running his thumbs over the pale pink nubs until they harden, rolling them in his fingers. He dips his head and licks at the taunt flesh and then sucks, using his teeth to lightly tug at Tommy's nipples. He's so consumed it takes him a while to register the way Tommy is moaning and grabbing at his body. The demand fore more, more, more, clear in the knuckle white grip in Tommy's hands, in the almost bruising force of his hips pushing forward steadily into Adam as he tries to get off, body straining for more, wanting to be pushed off the edge. Adam pulls back, breathing out warm breath onto his own spit over Tommy's nipples and making the blonde shudder. Adam strips off his own T-shirt, a little self aware because of how skinny Tommy is. But Tommy looks at his body like it belongs to a Greek God and Adam forgets that he doesn't have the perfect six pack. When Tommy runs his hands over his body Adam feels sexy, he feels more sexual, sensual and desirable with Tommy's hands on his chest than he does when he's on a stage panting, listening to a crowd roar his name, beg for more as he moans into a microphone. Tommy doesn't beg for more he just takes it. Hands pushing down the boxers Adam had been sleeping in and falling to his knees. After Tommy teasingly curls his tongue around the head and sucks lightly, Adam stops him.  
　  
"Tell me what you want tonight, Tommy. Do you want us to get each other off or do you want to cum while I'm inside of you?" He needs Tommy to decide now, before he gets too into what he can tell will be a fantastic blowjob. If Tommy wants him to cum that way Adam isn't arguing, but if he wants more Adam needs to skip the foreplay on his end and start working on Tommy.  
　  
"I'll blow you another time, I want you in me,," Tommy pants scrambling to his feet, whilst stripping off his own pants and Adam can't stop smiling because Tommy's basically said this isn't a one time thing and Adam really fucking wants more than one time with Tommy.  
　  
He pushes Tommy down onto the bed and turns to get lube and a condom out of the drawer. By the time he turns back, Tommy's on his knees on the bed and he's already working a finger inside of himself, probably on nothing but spit. Adam quickly gets on the bed behind him, dropping the condom on the bed he opens the lube, slicking up his fingers. He wraps one arm around Tommy's waist to keep him close, plastering his chest to the blonde’s, he slips his hand down, going further than he needs to so that he can lightly run his fingers over Tommy's perineum and then his balls, making the skin slick and Tommy moan. He brings his hand closer to Tommy's pucker and pushes in a finger along side the one Tommy is working into himself and he listens to Tommy moan, it's a beautiful sound, one he'll never get sick of.  
　  
Tommy goes to pull his hand away, but Adam stops him even as he works in a second finger of his own. He loves feeling his fingers alongside Tommy's as they both find a rhythm, both turning him on as well as prepping him. When Tommy is an incoherent, moaning mess, Adam decides he's more than ready. He rolls the condom on and slicks up with more lube. He tries to go slow, but the moment he pushes the tip in, Tommy thrusts back onto his dick. Adam has had boyfriends who couldn't take his cock like that after months of dating. Adam can't help letting out a choked moaning sound when his hips press flat to Tommy's tiny ass. He has to stay still, not to let Tommy get used to his size, but so that he can get used to Tommy's tight heat when it's making his body want to exploded.  
　  
He can't keep his mouth off of Tommy the whole time he's thrusting, the back of his neck, his shoulders, the side of his throat. He gets Tommy to twist his head back so that he can reach his mouth, he can't get enough of kissing the blonde, half of him can't even really believe he's allowed to kiss the blonde like this now, he keeps thinking he's going to wake up and it'll all just be a dream. Tommy kisses back sloppily, his body has gone almost boneless and Adam thinks he is probably the only thing keeping Tommy on his knees. When they’re both half blind and more than half crazy with the pleasure of it, Adam slides his hand down Tommy's front. Speeding up his thrusts and making sure to hit Tommy's prostate, he starts jerking the smaller man off. His cock is rock hard and leaking, the pre-cum making everything slicker, letting his hand move smoothly. Tommy yells his name so loudly when he cums that Adam is sure Neil probably hears even if he had been asleep. And even though he probably could get his hand over Tommy's mouth and muffle the sound? He isn't going to, he is never going to gag Tommy when he's yelling out Adam's name as he cums.  
　  
Adam doesn't last long after Tommy orgasm's the tightening almost being too much, he lasts a little longer and then he's cumming, panting Tommy's name over and over again in to the blonde’s neck. They collapse together, neither moving until the feel of dried cum becomes too much and they both get up to clean up, Adam disposing of the condom. Without a word, he leads Tommy back to the bed and they slip under the covers still naked. Adam pulls Tommy into his arms, holding him as tightly as he can and still allow them both to breath comfortably.  
　  
In the morning at breakfast Neil looks unbelievably smug for a man who was woken up by the sound of his older brother fucking a man they are both friends with. Tommy leaves Adam to deal with him, going instead to call all his doctors so he can see what's going on with his arm.  
　  
"I told you so," Neil smirks.  
　  
"Child," Adam snorts, because it is childish and because he has nothing else he can really say, seen as it's true.  
　  
"I'm pleased for you both, man," Neil tells him, watching Adam as he watches Tommy through the window to the yard where he's on the phone.  
　  
"Thanks, I didn't tell him I loved him. I should have, even though it's soon. We should both know where we stand." Adam sighs just as Tommy turns, sees him looking and smiles.  
　  
"I think he already knows." Neil smiles, following Adam's gaze.  
　  
"Really?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah and that boy’s gone on you." Neil smirks, right back to smug again, the little shit.  
　  
Tommy goes in for tests that day and the doctors decide that some of the nerves crushed when the bone snapped are healing better than they ever would have hoped. It's not an instant cure, but it's a more hopeful diagnosis. Tommy celebrates it by giving him a handjob with his injured arm. It's a month before he picks up a guitar, two more before he'll let anyone hear him play. After the first small show he plays with Monte, they start talking about touring again. Adam's getting ready to go out with Tommy and the full Glamily one night when Neil comes into his room to steal a tie. He's already in a nice dark blue shirt and black slacks. You wouldn't even know one of his legs wasn't real. He's walking so well these days and he's been badgering Adam to get back to work. He's been cleared to sing shows for months now.  
　  
"Why do you want my tie?" Adam asks, because Neil has never, ever wanted to borrow his clothes before.  
　  
"It matches my shirt?" Neil points out feebly.  
　  
"You know that's not what I mean. Spill." Adam holds the tie away from Neil, holding in ransom.  
　  
"I have a date with Anne, now I'm no longer her patient," Neil mumbles.  
　  
A few months ago, Adam had been sure Neil was thinking about killing himself, not planning a future. Seeing him like this makes his heart swell with pride, he's been so brave, so strong and maybe, just maybe, really fucking stubborn. He hands Neil the tie, but not until his brother lets him hug him. Adam tells Tommy what’s going on and they delay leaving to meet the others. Sitting hand in hand as they wait for Anne to arrive, like anxious parents. She looks beautiful and elegant, just a little feisty. When she smiles at Neil her eyes soften, warming and Adam can see the love there already. This might be their first date, but Adam has a feeling that is only because they had to wait. Watching Neil leave, standing with Tommy's hand in his, he can't see men who have lost anything, they don't seem anything but whole to him or anything other than perfect.  
　  
The End.


End file.
